Support can come in lots of ways for people who have adopted children who have special needs. Talking to someone who “gets it” is one of the best things that we as adoptive parents can do to normalize our experience and feel like we are not alone. However, some types of support just aren’t possibilities for us during our most trying of days.

Here are some reasons why “real life” as opposed to virtual, online support aren’t possible for adoptive parents:

1) Traditional support groups require us to leave our homes. This requires child care. Many adoption support groups do not provide child care.

2) Traditional support groups that meet in person sometimes offer child care. However, sometimes our children simply cannot function in that setting — even if it is geared to special needs children.

3) Sometimes we are simply to exhausted to make ourselves look presentable. Even if we want to get out and go to a group, it would require having time for a shower and ttime to find clothes that match and don’t have holes in them, perhaps makeup or perfume… you get the idea. Sometimes we’re just too tired at the end of the day to get there.

4) If we can’t meet in person, phone calls are the next best thing. However, it is quite embarrassing to be talking to someone with the noise of a kid raging in the background or while being called a variety of interesting and colorful names by an angry teenager. After we’ve said, “wait, hold on a second” five or six times it just gets too frustrating to try any longer.

5) Having visitors would be another natural way to connect with others, but I know you can think of 30 reasons why THAT isn’t going to happen. At least I can.

6) Meeting another adoptive parent for coffee or lunch is a great idea IF all the kids are in school and IF the school isn’t calling to interrupt the lunch or coffee time to say that we have to come to the school to intervene, give advice, or bring them home.

So, naturally, those of us who have interesting children at home often can’t find support by going to a “real life” support group. We can’t have people over, go out to meet someone, or talk on the phone. Fortunately, there is the internet and now even those of us in the midst of the battle in the trenches can participate in an online group.

So obviously, after reading the paragraphs above, you should already be able to articulate these reasons why online support has been my favorite type in my fifteen years as a foster and adoptive parent:

I don’t have to get dressed up. In fact I don’t have to get dressed at all. I don’t have to go anywhere. I can do it any time of day or night, it doesn’t matter if everyone is awake, or nobody is. Nobody can hear the noise and chaos in the background.

I also find that the ability to write down what I am feeling (which often is required for online support) helps me understand myself more.

So if you are finding a need to “talk” to “someone who gets it” during the next weeks, why not check out online support options? List servs, message boards, blogs, and other avenues of online connections can be just what you are looking for.

If you have not heard, Adopt America has an online support group via Facebook. You can check us out by searching for Adopt America Network’s Support Group on facebook and asking to join. We’d love to have you be a part of our group. And remember … we couldn’t care less what you look like right now, or what your kids are doing or saying in the background, or if you have lots of energy or very little. We are definitely a “come as you are” group. “See” you soon!

The foster care crisis in America is three-fold.  There are not enough quality families in America to support the children who need them.  Further, children with emotional and behavioral issues in the system are on the rise, creating a need for additional families in this already deteriorating situation.  To make matters worse, the recession in our country is directly affecting both biological and foster families as well as provider reimbursements, frontline caseworkers and mental health.

According to Faith Bridge Foster Care, there are not enough families for the children who need them.  Researchers for the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) agree.  Due to the economy today, many cases in the need for foster care are due to the homelessness, poverty and unemployment growing rapidly.  Experts believe the need for foster care will rise as the economy worsens.  “Child welfare workers,” The Foster Club says, “are already seeing a rise in reported child abuse and neglect cases, as much as twenty percent in some areas.”  Unfortunately some foster families are simply unprepared for the upheaval of their family.  It is, according to the Faith Bridge Foster Care Agency, because of frequent agency visits, phone calls, court dates, and “seemingly endless paperwork,” plus the shock that the system does not have the sufficient support they need, forty to sixty percent of foster families leave the system within a year.  Without foster families in the system, some children will grow to adulthood and be left to fend for themselves with little to no influence of family structure and minimum skills for employment without any support system to ever fall back upon.  This could begin a cycle of uneducated youth released into the world to create families that are more probable to end up in the foster system due to the lack of care, funds, structure and etc. the first time through.

Because foster children are separated from their biological families, and often times separated from their siblings, after several months there is detachment issues these children acquire.  The longer they are away from their biological families, the harder it is for foster children to rebuild any sort of relationship, whether with their families, or later in life.  Because of this, foster children can lash out in different types of behavioral problems.  According to the DHS Medication Management Work Group, three times as many foster children, as opposed to other children, end up on psychotropic drugs in low-income families.  This can make foster children even more destabilized due to the treatment of their stress symptom rather than the root of that stress.

In nearly every state the amount of money needed for foster care far outweighs the government’s reimbursement rate due to the economic crisis our country is in today.  Not only is there an issue with foster children needing better mental health facilities, treatment programs and etc, but the issue worsens because the foster care system often cuts the budget in three major areas: provider reimbursements, frontline caseworkers and mental health.  This being said, in the case of these budget cuts, there would be less training for group home staff and parental training.  With fewer caseworkers there would be the probability of foster children being in more hazardous situations and an increased risk of trauma to those children. According to CHOP, children are often placed in foster care by availability rather than a good match for foster children and their long-term needs.  Some child protective agencies are requested to send children to government recruited homes rather than professional agencies to save on money.  Unfortunately these homes are not necessarily held to a set standard to validate said homes are the best place for the individual needs of those children.  Further, with the already unstable environments of some foster children, plus the budget cuts of mental health programs such as help and crisis lines, an increase in foster children’ suicides, pregnancy and drug and alcohol abuse may follow.

In nearly every state the amount of money needed for foster care far outweighs the government’s reimbursement rate due to the economic crisis our country is in today.  According to NPR radio in March of 2010, over 1,000 children die of abuse and neglect every year; and to further chill our society, states with big deficits are cutting child abuse prevention programs when those programs are what various communities need to cut down on the ever growing death, neglect and abuse rates (some due to the recession to begin with).  And although researcher Rob Green, on behalf of the Annie E. Casey Foundation, states that the recession may not be a conclusive reason for the rise in child abuse and neglect.  The findings in November of 2010 by the researchers from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia conclude that the economic downturn often hits the most vulnerable children and families the hardest.  It takes years of post recession for families to come back to the pre recession income levels.  Lower income families obviously take even longer to bounce back.  CHOP also explains that public programs play an incredibly important role in the keeping the families influenced by the recession in a less stressed environment, blocking more trauma for the usually already traumatized children and families involved in foster care.  In short, the most vulnerable foster children, foster families and programs supporting them would get the short end of the stick for years to come.

About the Author

As a researcher, Karen Jean Matsko Hood places her focus on child abuse and neglect and drug abuse.  She also researches to find possible solutions to these growing social problems. Hood has incorporated the studies of findings of research and drug abuse in families in her writings.  Hood’s research topics include such diverse topics as education, attachment disorder, attachment disorder therapy and treatment, the foster care system, human development, parenting, adoption, health, and historical topics.  Hood uses her B.S. Degree in Natural Science along with her research training in her Ph.D. program to conduct research on various plants and animal topics including equine, canine, and botanical research.

Hood resides in Greenacres, Washington, along with her husband, sixteen multi-racial and special needs children and foster children.  Her hobbies include cooking, baking, collecting various collectibles and antiques, photography, indoor and outdoor gardening, and the cultivation of unusual flowering plants and orchids.  She enjoys raising several specialty breeds of animals including Icelandic horses, bichon frises, cockapoos, Icelandic sheepdogs, and a few rescue cats.  Hood also enjoys bird-watching and finds all aspects of nature precious.  She demonstrates a passionate appreciation of the environment and a respect for all life.

For more information, you can contact the author at her office below:

Karen Jean Matsko Hood

507 N. Sullivan Rd. Suite LL-7

Spokane Valley, WA 99037 USA

Phone: (509) 924-3550 Fax: (509) 922-9949

karensblog.net

karenjeanmatskohood.com

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a child is borne every 4.2 seconds.   Out of the nearly four million births in the United States each year, 1.25 million children are abused.  Of those, four children die daily from abuse and neglect.  Sixty one percent of those children are victims of educational, physical and emotional neglect.   Forty four percent are victims of physical, sexual and emotional abuse.  The numbers alone are alarming.  And further still, those who do physically survive their abuse and neglect suffer emotionally and mentally from childhood, through adolescence and even into adulthood.

Anxiety, depression, behavioral disorders; these diagnoses are only a few of the words used to try to explain the effects of cruelty exhibited in mistreated children.  And although there are many mental illnesses that are treated and kept under control with medicine and/or therapy, some illnesses are more severe than others.  Attachment Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder require some of the most aggressive treatments, and although with years of hard work from doctors, parents, and of course, children, there is no cure.  Thus, when a child with these diagnoses are thrown into the system, there can be both great healing and success or, in an unfortunate reality, they are only further damaged by the instability of multiple foster homes and care givers.  One would think that those responsible for the well –being of abused and neglected children would take every precaution to not aggravate their already unstable mental conditions.

What reason, then, could the court system have for allowing a child diagnosed with Attachment Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder to continually move from home to home?  Considering these two disorders are both incurable, the idea of bouncing unstable children from foster home to foster home is absurd.  According to research from a myriad of therapists including the Mayo clinic, children suffering from attachment disorder view the world very differently than others; usually, these children view those around them as unpredictable and unavailable.  Because their original parent was unavailable, abusive, and rejecting, they feel that all care providers are.  Further, according to The Family Attachment and Counseling Center, one of the best therapies available to these children is a long and nurturing relationship with a trusting care provider.  It then, goes without saying that moving children with Attachment and Reactive Attachment Disorder multiple times only further damages their psyche.

So what would happen to a child who is continuously moved, and in their mind only further rejected from another parent figure(s)?  According to the Mayo Clinic,

“…there[s] little research on signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder beyond early childhood. It may lead to controlling, aggressive or delinquent behaviors, trouble relating to peers, and other problems. While treatment can help children and adults cope with reactive Attachment Disorder, the changes that occur during early childhood are permanent and the disorder is a lifelong challenge.”

And the changes these children suffer are immense.  The complications they experience include delayed learning, poor self-esteem, delinquent or antisocial behavior, relationship problems, temper or anger problems, depression, anxiety, physical growth, severe eating problems and malnutrition, academic problems, drug and alcohol addiction, inappropriate sexual behavior, and unemployment or frequent job changes.

The fact is, those children diagnosed with these issues can live a normal life with the help of one stable environment, a constant parental figure and therapy both parent and child actively attend and practice.  Up to ninety-two percent of families who actively work through therapy show significant improvement.

About the Author

Karen Jean Matsko Hood is not only a well rounded and educated person, but a role model for those around her.  She is not only an adoptive and foster mother of sixteen children, but is also a teacher, writer, researcher, poet, and friend to both humanity and the environment.  Through her books, readers from all walks of life will be touched and even inspired by the works Ms. Hood has chosen as her life’s path.  And as Ms. Hood invites you into her life and introduces you into her world in Washington State’s beautiful Spokane Valley, you will see how she is truly a legitimate source in the world of children’s rights, environmental preservation and motherhood.

For more information, you can contact the author at her office below:

Karen Jean Matsko Hood

507 N. Sullivan Rd. Suite LL-7

Spokane Valley, WA 99037 USA

Phone: (509) 924-3550 Fax: (509) 922-9949

karensblog.net

karenjeanmatskohood.com